Parents: Are You Standing in the Way of Your Athletes Performance?

By Aaron Thigpen Owner Gamespeed Sports Performance August 2018
One tv show I get a kick out of is the “Goldbergs”.  The mother, Berverly Goldberg. is the epitome of the “Helicopter” parent. She unabashadly maintains her purpose in life is to ensure that her kids every dream and desire come to fruition. The escapades of her manipulation, interference and blind support are hilarious and the bases for many of the family’s stories. 
Of course we all love our kids and in terms of sports we want them to be successful. HOWEVEEER…..Some of your well intended actions can actually be stunting your child’s athletic development. 
If you are thin-skinned you may want to stop here but if you really want the best for your athlete read on.

SIX Traps Parents Fall Into

  • The “Former” Athlete:  Your athletic past maybe irrelevant. We tend to remember  the past a little more fondly than it might have been, In masters track we have a saying; “We were always greater than we were”. Keep in mind things change, trends in coaching, training and physical preparation evolve. What may have worked for you may not be the best approach for your athlete. Programs should be based on an athletes “CURRENT” abilities, age, and who they emotionally are as athletes.  
  • The “Internet Validator” or “Crosschecker”: “I saw it on the internet so it must be true”.  Playing “Monday Morning Quarterback” to your athletes coach or trainer only undermines their ability to be effective. You signed up for the team, paid your fees, so trust their process. If there’s something you have concerns about speak with the coach. Communication can clarify things and provide a greater understanding for all concerned. 
  • The ” Attorney for the Defense” or “Spin Doctor”: “Johnny  didn’t perform well because he ate a stale tootsie roll for lunch… blah…blah…blah.” Stepping in with an excuse can do two things;  doesn’t empower your kid to take ownership in his performance and can make them look even worse in the eyes of their peers and coaches. Bad performances are a part of competition, get used to it. Have a short memory, learn from it and move on. Conversely,  being your athletes “Hype” man can put undo pressure on them and draw unwanted scrutiny and criticism from coaches and peers. 
  • Too Many Cooks in the Kitchen: This is one of my favorites. Its usually a blend of the “former athlete” and “crosschecker”. When it comes to training there should be one voice in your athletes head. The COACH!! Receiving instruction from two different sources can be confusing for the athlete who wants to please both parties. Even for the parent who has the right information  your involvement can be disruptive to the process.  Ask the coach what they want, so that the message and delivery of the message is consistent.   
  • Don’t Be A “Cyrano” or ” Puppet Master”: For those who don’t know who “Cyrano” is, google him. Basically let your athlete speak for themselves.   Encourage them to communicate and find their own relationship with their coach. Yes it can be intimidating especially with new relationships but that’s a life lesson that’s invaluable.   If they can’t have an awkward conversation with the coach how can they truly face the adversity and pressure in competitive sports and ultimately college, work and personal life?  Lastly, don’t send messages through your athlete, if you have a concern speak with the coach directly.   
  • The “Sherpa” or ” Athlete Valet”: Stop, carrying your athletes bag, wiping their brow and holding their water bottle with baited breathe on the sidelines.  Becoming an athlete requires taking ownership in all facets of your development, from your equipment, to nutrition to time management. As your athlete gets older you should play a smaller role in these aspects. If they forget their cleats, are late for a practice, let them suffer the consequences and figure out how to avoid these types of mistakes. Doing everything for them doesn’t empower them, “Teach them to fish”. 
Sometimes in our love (zeal) to see our kids succeed we forget there are better lessons to be learned besides putting the bat to the ball. These actions can stunt athletic as well as personal development and performance.
So the next time your “delicious” little athlete (Goldberg ref) is training or competing, don’t “mix-in” (GB ref), fly at a lower altitude or better yet stay grounded!!
Related Article: Podcast –The Parent Affect